Am I at fault for my life?

Am I at fault for my life?

A common theme for most people is responsibility. We try to figure out who is at fault for something. If something goes wrong, if we don’t succeed, if our life isn’t the way it’s supposed to be, who is at fault?

We’re always trying to find fault in our lives, in some form or another. Fault-finding isn’t necessarily a bad thing when done properly. It can be used to figure out how to resolve or fix a problem. When we’re reasonable, rational and logical, it can lead to steering us towards success. However, as humans, we tend to be swayed by our emotions a lot of time. We can end up nit-picking, and finding fault as a way to excuse our own part in why we fail; and when we do this, we excuse our own personal failings.

The reality is that our lives are affected by our environment. We can’t get away from that. It means there are things that happen all around us that affect us, and there’s nothing we can do about those things; although sometimes it can be mitigated. For example, you may have been saving money to go on that adventure of a lifetime, but the pandemic hits and borders close. It could be years of planning and savings that did not come to fruition. Maybe you intended to buy a house but half way through saving for your down payment you get retrenched or you fall ill and lose your savings.

In a lot of cases though, it’s much more complicated, and while it’s easy enough to find blame, it’s not always clear who or what is at fault. For example, in your career, why have you been passed for promotion yet again?

You’ve worked hard, you feel you deserve it, so why haven’t you been promoted?

It’s easy to just say the company doesn’t value you, or they hate you; but it could be a complex mix of other reasons. It could be that there are a limited number of people who can be promoted, and you’re just one of many; or it could just be that your upper management doesn’t know that you want to be promoted. Maybe they have certain criteria for promotion that you don’t know about, and should enquire into.

A lot of your career will be a mix of similar complexity, but when you look into other areas of life, like love and relationships, you will find it is the same way. You can always find a way to blame something for not working out, and you’d likely be partly correct; but it’s not the whole story, and blaming one thing or another could just see the same problems replay in the future.

There are other parts involved, such as your input, decisions, and actions. It is your life, you contribute to the things that happen to your life and in your life; but finding out where you fit in this web can be very difficult. For this and other reasons, the tendency is to blame external events, and in many cases, start blaming themselves in an unfair manner.

The simplest answer is that you are responsible for things that happen in your life, and even when those things aren’t within your control, you’re responsible for how you react to it. However, controlling how you react to things is not always an easy thing to do. Most times, it is automatic and results from an emotional response that may or may not be helpful.

To figure out why you react the way you do, and how you end up making the choices you do, you have to really understand yourself at a much deeper level. Only then can you really get a sense of why you feel the way you do, act the way you do, and make the decision that you do.

Join us at College of Allied Educators to learn more about yourself, what motivates you, and how you can find happiness, meaning, and success in work, love, and life.

    Postgraduate Diploma in Counselling Psychology (PGDICP) is a counselling psychology course accredited by the Singapore Association for Counselling (SAC). The part-time Postgraduate Diploma in Counselling Psychology programme focuses on developing and enhancing experiential knowledge and skills through a holistic approach. Some of the subjects covered include Counselling Children, Addiction Intervention, Crisis Intervention, and Family Therapy.  
    Advanced Diploma in Counselling Psychology (ADICP) trains students to apply appropriate counselling skills in different situations while understanding their underlying theories. The ADICP programme introduces students to the nature of psychology and relates it to the theories and concepts of counselling. Students move on to explore themselves in order to promote personal growth and self-awareness, acquiring the key attributes of a competent counsellor and the proper methods of applying those skills.
    Diploma in Counselling Psychology (DCPSY) is a counselling course covering a range of conceptual and functional skills in counselling. It trains students to apply appropriate counselling psychology skills in different situations, and equips students with the ability to work effectively as a counsellor.


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