Whenever we talk about helping other people, we think of ourselves helping them in some way. Usually, it is to listen and advise; but we don’t really ever consider that we might also be taking on their burden onto our own shoulders.
I supposed, in some way, it is inevitable and even necessary to take other people’s burden as our own. The act of listening and empathy we feel for people and their circumstance makes it difficult not to share this burden with them. Doing so comes with its own challenges, because now you’re affected emotionally as well, and who is helping you?
Maybe empathy is the real culprit here.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, and it is fundamental to human communication and interaction. It’s how we build emotional connections and develop bonds that go above and beyond mere words.
This idea of taking on other people’s burdens as our own is a complex matter involving notions of empathy, our boundaries, and self-care. While empathy is often seen as a virtue and strength, it can also bring about real challenges in navigating the lines between supporting others and our own self-sacrifice.
For those of you who have an innate calling to help and support others in need, you may find it nigh impossible to temper your capacity for empathy. It’s what enables you to reach beyond yourself and offer your assistance to those in need. It helps you create an emotional connection that has meaning and gives comfort to those who need it.
It also can cause you to feel hurt and distraught, and if you don’t have a proper system of self-care, it can lead you to a dark path where you become the one in need of help. In essence, transferring a problem from one person to another. To some people, they may think they can handle it, but they shouldn’t have to.
You don’t need to take on other people’s struggles, and in many ways, it is a type of conceit that ends up harming you in the long run.
Creating boundaries may be what is needed.
While your innate nature may drive you to immediately step up to offer aid, settings some rules and boundaries can ultimately allow you to help, but at a more appropriate time and when absolutely necessary. If you take the time to consider the situation, and recognise that it isn’t your personal responsibility to fix everyone’s problem, you can wait until someone asks for help. That is when you know you’re needed.
It’s true that people don’t always ask for help, but they often signal it, even if they never speak up about it. You can then ask them if they need someone to listen to instead of assuming it’s the right time to help. You’ll create a much healthier and safer space for yourself and the people who need your help.
When you do end up taking on these burdens, it’s probably best to talk openly about it with the people around you. The people around you may be able to help you and give you context in a way that you aren’t able to do by yourself. This could disperse the burden and make it easier to bear for everyone involved.
At the end of the day, while you may want to help, you have to ensure you have the tools necessary to ensure you aren’t weighing other people down with your assumed burdens.
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