We don’t usually think about how we feel. It’s just something that happens automatically, and for many of us, we have a tendency to believe that external events and other people cause us to feel a certain way. We like to find blame for how we feel the way we do.
For example, anger is a strong emotion that also can end up hurting other people around us when we lash out. It need not be a physical response, but anger can often cause us to say things in response that hurts other people, or even hurts us as a result. When we get angry, it’s usually because we’re angry at someone for doing something or saying something that is offensive to us. We may get angry when something happens that inconveniences or annoys us, which is what happens in a traffic jam, leading to road rage incidences.
Love and infatuation are also another strong emotions we feel. Here, it can be very complex. We say it is the object of our affection and attention that is the cause for how we feel. It’s the person that we love that affects our moods. They can cause us to feel anger, frustration, loneliness, disappointment, or any other emotion. It’s not uncommon for people to blame people we love for how we feel. Maybe they didn’t say the right things, or didn’t reciprocate our feelings.
We do this for every emotion we feel. It’s always someone else that caused us to feel the way we do. It’s always something that happens externally that causes us to have these feelings.
In some ways, it isn’t entirely wrong. External events and other people absolutely can trigger us to feel a certain way; but the reality is that what triggers someone to feel a certain way may not trigger someone else. Even if it does, it may not trigger the same emotional response.
For example, it is easier to anger some people than others; and this is exacerbated by their general outlook and mood. Seemingly innocent and innocuous statements may trigger you into anger when you are feeling on edge, but may not on a normal day. A traffic light may trigger you one day while it does not on another day.
This means that events and other people may trigger us, but it is us that determines how we respond emotionally. In essence, there is some element of control for how we feel in response to things; and is not entirely automatic.
It’s not something you would conscious consider on a day to day basis, but maybe you should think about it more often. When you feel a certain way and respond automatically without thinking about it, your feelings have a tendency to take control of your life. It could end up causing you to make overly emotional decisions that may be irrational or cause you to do or say something that ends up harming your relationships with other people.
When you start to take responsibility for how you feel, you’ll start taking responsibility for how you act and behave to other people and events in your life. This is important because it could very well mean putting you on the road to taking control of yourself and your life. Rather than being a victim to fate and circumstance, you become responsible for yourself and how things turn out.
You are, in large part, responsible for how you feel, and learning about yourself and why you are triggered the way you are requires an active level of consideration. What’s at stake is your success and happiness. You don’t need to always be trapped by the way you feel.
Join us at College of Allied Educators to learn more about yourself, what motivates you, and how you can find happiness, meaning, and success in work, love, and life.
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Postgraduate Diploma in Counselling Psychology (PGDICP) is a counselling psychology course accredited by the Singapore Association for Counselling (SAC). The part-time Postgraduate Diploma in Counselling Psychology programme focuses on developing and enhancing experiential knowledge and skills through a holistic approach. Some of the subjects covered include Counselling Children, Addiction Intervention, Crisis Intervention, and Family Therapy. - ADVANCED DIPLOMA IN COUNSELLING PSYCHOLOGY
Advanced Diploma in Counselling Psychology (ADICP) trains students to apply appropriate counselling skills in different situations while understanding their underlying theories. The ADICP programme introduces students to the nature of psychology and relates it to the theories and concepts of counselling. Students move on to explore themselves in order to promote personal growth and self-awareness, acquiring the key attributes of a competent counsellor and the proper methods of applying those skills. - DIPLOMA IN COUNSELLING PSYCHOLOGY
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