We don’t always know who we are. For most of us, we just assume we know who we are, but haven’t really ever sat down to give it any real consideration. Usually we think about such things only when we’re going through a difficult time in our lives. Is it enough time to figure out who we really are?
Not knowing who you are, or how “you” are defined, has a cost. That cost is your own mental, emotional, and even physical well-being and happiness. If you don’t know who you are, you end up going through life just reacting to events, and will find you don’t ever feel like you have any control over your own fate and future. This lack of agency and personal power and control can make you lose hope and become despondent. Without knowing who you really are, trying to figure out what makes you truly happy will be very difficult, if not impossible.
You should set aside some time to think about this. It is, after all, about you, and ultimately will be about your happiness.
You can start by asking yourself a series of questions:
- What motivates you and gives you purpose?
- What makes you feel?
- What excites you?
- What makes you believe the things you believe?
- What makes you think the way you do?
- What makes you like the things you like?
You don’t need to ask them all at once, nor do you need to answer them all at once. Take some quiet time to think about it; maybe as you are waiting to fall asleep or having tea.
Sometimes self reflection can be difficult, but it doesn’t always have to be done by yourself. You can ask someone close to you to do it with you and you both can explore this together. Often, it helps tremendously when someone else asks these questions, and takes the time to listen, especially if you are not the type who is so disciplined to follow through on your own questioning.
You might have the urge to just say whatever comes to your mind, but take the time to think about the answer. Explore it a little bit.
- Why was that your answer?
- Was it something you’re used to saying about yourself?
- Do you actually believe something totally different?
- Is there more to what you are saying about yourself?
- Is it something someone said about you and you internalised it?
Ultimately, it may mean challenging your own assumptions about yourself. You might at first, brush this off as something absurd and won’t work, but keep in mind that when you get to know new people, or when you go on a date, these are questions you ask other people and other people ask you. It’s how we get to know one another.
The difference is that now you are thinking about the answer for yourself, and not for anyone else.
You aren’t going to learn all about yourself all in one sitting. It’s a process that may take a very long time, where you learn more as you move through life. Starting this process is important, and occasionally visiting it can help ground you and give you a sense of stability in the world.
Join us at College of Allied Educators to learn more about yourself, what motivates you, and how you can find happiness, meaning, and success in work, love, and life.
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