Is arguing good for your relationship?

Is arguing good for your relationship?

Couples argue; sometimes they argue very heatedly. It will happen at some point for all relationships. Disagreements, and working through them is a part of being in a committed relationship with someone. The problem comes when the fights do not solve anything, when they get mean, and when they go off topic.

Let’s look at how to have a disagreement in a healthy way that solves things, so it does not fester and become a wound that mars the entire relationship.

Stay on topic
If something is bothering you, and you want to bring it up, do so! Do not, however, let the argument drift into talking about multiple different issues – acknowledge if other issues are brought up they are worth talking about later, but this current issue is what you are here to talk about. Arguments often go this way, so do not be surprised it is happening, just pay attention to it, and bring the focus back to what you initially wanted to discuss.

Share how things impact you
Often, people do not know how their behavior impacts others, so by sharing this, you can give your partner valuable insight into what they are doing. You need to be able to say things in such a way that the other person can hear it. Keeping things short, to the point, and using “I” statements helps with this. Saying something like, “I feel uncomfortable with you texting that person all the time” is a lot easier to hear than something like, “You text that person too much.”

If you say those them out loud, you can hear the difference.

Know when to stop
It’s ok to call a timeout. Sometimes fighting can be intense, and some people just do not have the stamina or ability to handle for a variety of reasons. It is ok to say that you need to take a break for a minute and come back to it. The key here is that you must come back to it after the agreed upon break. This is not a way to end a fight, just a way to catch your breath, sort out your thoughts and emotions.

After you have said what you feel like you need to say, shared the impact of the other’s actions on you, your thoughts and feelings, and kept the focus on the problem at hand, the focus needs to shift to how do you fix it.

This is where the two of you work together to come up with a solution everyone is happy with. In any argument, just saying things at each other doesn’t work – you must move to figuring out how to fix the problem.

Fights do come in any relationship. Feelings get hurt, and people get annoyed, and miscommunications happen, but following these suggestions will help you argue better for a happier, better balanced, better communicated relationship.

Join us at College of Allied Educators to learn more about your deepest emotions, and discover how you can overcome your fears, disagreements, and challenges in order to build a happier life for yourself and your loved ones.


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