As I reflected on my life, I realised that my own expectations had become a barrier to my happiness. I had to overcome these expectations that I had for myself that, in hindsight, kept me from finding out who I really was.
From a young age, I knew I wanted to be rich and successful. At that young of an age, no one really knows how they’d really achieve like that. It was just something you’d say. Later on, I knew that making money was important and that became the definition of success.
However, at some point, I started to feel a lot of pressure from my family, friends, and peers over not having certain things or not doing well enough in my schoolwork and later, not doing well enough at my career. I sort of fell into a competition against everyone and anyone and if someone managed to do well at school, I tried to do better. This carried through to my professional career as well, where I had to do more and do better.
While competition may be good, and wanting to do well is an admirable desire, I ended up spending years sacrificing my time and energy trying to live up to standards I had set for myself that were not really my own.
If someone got a nice new car, I had to have a nice car as well. I’d feel envious and that triggered my desire and competitiveness. I’d see how people were living their life so well and I’d feel envious and want that as well. This would lead me to pushing myself in unhealthy ways, making me expend my personal time and energy on trying to get things that someone else had. Some of my personal relationships became strained or were left ignored as I chased these things. I had to have what other people had or else I’d feel like I was losing out and people would see me as a failure.
After years of going on like this, with stress and anxiety a common theme in my life, I decided I needed to figure out what was going on that put me on this road. I knew I wanted to be successful, and I thought I knew what it meant to be successful, but upon deeper reflection and introspection, I came to the conclusion that I was trying to live for other people.
I was a jumbled mess of my parents’ expectations of me, my family and friends’ expectations, and society’s expectations. I didn’t know where they started and where I was in all of this, but I was working very hard for it. I was working very hard and creating all this stress and anxiety and I really didn’t know why and for whom.
Sitting down and truly looking at myself and my life, I started to really see who I was as a person and to understand what that person really wanted. It’s not as if it all came to me at once. It’s a continual process where I find myself assessing myself and my life on a more regular basis and making adjustments to expectations and goals I have for myself. Taking that move and investing in myself and not seeing it as a waste of time is allowing me to understand what I am doing and why, just a little bit more.
That little bit of change in the way you think and approach life can make a world of difference in how you treat yourself and how much relief and joy you can get from your life and the things you set to do.
Adjusting my expectations based on what it was I really wanted has allowed me to be more focussed and has given me more clarity about my life and what I consider is necessary for success.
If you find yourself struggling with expectations that no longer serve you, I encourage you to take a step back and ask yourself what you truly want. Be honest with yourself and allow yourself to explore new paths, even if they seem uncertain or unconventional. You never know what opportunities and joys may be waiting for you on the other side of letting go of expectations.
If you need help getting to that point, you should search for it!
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