When we think of love and romance, we tend to think of flashy shows of affection, and wild emotional highs. Everyone is seeking and looking for it. When you dig a little deeper though, people are really looking for someone who they can share a deeper emotional connection with. People may desire this, but not everyone feels they deserve it.
Love is about intimacy, care, concern, consideration, respect, kindness. It’s about a lot of things all at once. It’s not just things you feel, but your actions and behaviour as well, and people who have a hard time loving themselves tend to have a hard time finding love or holding onto it. You might have heard it commonly repeated how someone jeopardised their own relationship with their partner.
There are many reasons for it. Sometimes it is due to fear of intimacy, where you seek it out, but once an intimate emotional connection is made, it scares you and you do things to ensure the relationship never progresses.
Sometimes it is due to fear of commitment where you seek it out, but once commitment is on the table, it scares you and you end up putting up an emotional barrier to prevent the relationship from progressing.
Other times, someone might make up a whole list of excuses why they can’t find someone, so it might not even make it to the dating stage. In all these cases, there are deeper personal issues that need to be dealt with. These issues manifest as fears, and it is this fear that obstructs their ability to love and have deeper, meaningful connections.
It’s not easy for to identify what is the cause of the fear because it’s different and personal for each individual; but learning how to love yourself first can mean a huge positive step forward in learning how to love others, and allowing them to love you back.
There is a way past this.
Forgiveness for yourself is probably one of the most important things you can learn how to do. It’s this inability to forgive that causes you to mistreat yourself and make you think you’re unworthy or unlovable; and when an opportunity arises for love and deeper emotional connection comes along, you can’t see that you are worthy of it.
When you learn how to forgive yourself, you also start to learn how to love yourself. It allows you to see that you aren’t a bad person, and things you did wrongly or feel guilty about shouldn’t have to define who you are or what you should and shouldn’t deserve. When you can get to this point, you’ll start to see that you are worth loving, and you are worthy of being in a relationship and being loved.
Getting there is the difficult part. It’s probably more difficult than being in an actual, deep, loving relationship because it underpins so much of what will happen in that relationship. So there is a lot of consideration, learning, and self-awareness involved.
In some way or another, we all have something that is holding us back from fully committing, and fully loving; but if we are open to learning about ourselves, and have the right tools to help us deal with these issues, we can be worthy of love, happiness, and success.
Join us at College of Allied Educators to learn more about yourself, what motivates you, and how you can find happiness, meaning, and success in work, love, and life.
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Postgraduate Diploma in Counselling Psychology (PGDICP) is a counselling psychology course accredited by the Singapore Association for Counselling (SAC). The part-time Postgraduate Diploma in Counselling Psychology programme focuses on developing and enhancing experiential knowledge and skills through a holistic approach. Some of the subjects covered include Counselling Children, Addiction Intervention, Crisis Intervention, and Family Therapy. - ADVANCED DIPLOMA IN COUNSELLING PSYCHOLOGY
Advanced Diploma in Counselling Psychology (ADICP) trains students to apply appropriate counselling skills in different situations while understanding their underlying theories. The ADICP programme introduces students to the nature of psychology and relates it to the theories and concepts of counselling. Students move on to explore themselves in order to promote personal growth and self-awareness, acquiring the key attributes of a competent counsellor and the proper methods of applying those skills. - DIPLOMA IN COUNSELLING PSYCHOLOGY
Diploma in Counselling Psychology (DCPSY) is a counselling course covering a range of conceptual and functional skills in counselling. It trains students to apply appropriate counselling psychology skills in different situations, and equips students with the ability to work effectively as a counsellor.
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